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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25533730">as the time runs out (i don't wanna wait)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastasia_93_daybidaylove/pseuds/anastasia_93_daybidaylove'>anastasia_93_daybidaylove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pitch Perfect (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Light Angst, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:46:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25533730</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastasia_93_daybidaylove/pseuds/anastasia_93_daybidaylove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>one-shot, canon compliant, post pp3<br/>title from Oceans Away by ARIZONA</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>as the time runs out (i don't wanna wait)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/boatstoesta/gifts">boatstoesta</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is not for bechloe week, this is for tiff. angel, i hope this turned out okay and that you will enjoy it. i have no doubt that, beginning soon, you're gonna do great things with your life. always proud of you.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The room was submerged in almost absolute darkness, the only light coming in from the street through the window blinds; faint yellow rays that had shadows climbing up the walls all around the small apartment.</p>
<p>Beca wasn’t focused on them, though, eyes fixated on the alarm clock on her nightstand instead. The bold, red numbers kept taunting her as they steadily counted down the time minute by minute. She’d watched so many minutes go by since she’d turned to her side on their pull-out bed. She’d meant to sleep; she had an early flight to catch the next morning.</p>
<p>And yet, the numbers had caught her attention the instant she’d spared a glance at the clock, and she’d been wide awake ever since. How much time had it been? The numbers read 11:53. Almost one and a half hours.</p>
<p>Also a lifetime. That’s what it felt like; and not just counting tonight either.</p>
<p>It was as if a whole life’s worth of time was coming to an end, its last remnants ticking away with the cruel, merciless brutality of bold red and opportunities wasted.</p>
<p>And sure, one could argue that seven years weren’t a lifetime.</p>
<p>But regrets make time seem endless, and when considering time lost they make the retrospective look hurt like jagged glass is slowly piercing through one’s heart.</p>
<p>At least that’s what it felt like to Beca as she kept staring at the alarm clock, laying perfectly still on her side, back turned to Chloe and keeping her breathing steady; she didn’t want to disturb her. Correction –she didn’t want her knowing she was awake, because then she would ask questions; she would want to know what was wrong because they were best friends and she was <em>Chloe,</em> and what would Beca tell her then? The truth?</p>
<p>
  <em>**flashback – 3 days ago**</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She should focus. Like, she really should focus; she’d been giving an interview for some magazine –she’d at least caught that much from Theo’s introduction of the reporter- and she had no idea what she’d been saying in reply to the questions directed at her for the last several minutes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She couldn’t even say what the questions were, not really. Each one had sounded as vague and uninteresting as entangled and unforgiving her thoughts currently were.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Which was to say, extremely.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Chloe had kissed Chicago. Beca had seen them kissing and in the few minutes from witnessing that to Theo pulling her to the side to give this stupid interview she hadn’t even begun processing it. The image of them in each other’s arms, lips connected to each other’s lips, kept flashing through her mind; almost making her flinch every time it happened.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was supposed to be their night; Chloe’s and hers. Beca was supposed to grow some balls and finally –finally!- tell her how she felt. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It had been seven years.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She had sensed how things had started to shift between them since they’d moved to New York; how it had felt as if something unspoken, something mutual, had constantly been hanging in the air around them. How every look, every touch, all the quite words spoken over glasses of wine during their lazy, stay-at-home weekend nights had felt like… more.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She had watched Chloe slowly slip away throughout the USO tour.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was supposed to tell Chloe tonight, after her performance. She had chosen that song for a reason, after all.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Only to watch Chloe kiss Chicago like there wasn’t anyone she’d rather be kissing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Theo’s elbow connected with her ribs just then; not too harshly but enough to snap her out of her racing thoughts. She knew it had been kind of necessary; she had totally been spacing out. A fact that didn’t stop her from looking up and shooting him a glare, arms instinctively crossing over her chest. This guy needed to calm down in many ways.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She did need to focus on the reporter, though; he had started talking again, and she was ready –albeit begrudgingly- to start paying some attention to him when out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of familiar red.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It felt like a magnetic pull, a force outside her control and not her conscious will, had her turning her head to the side. And there she was.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Chloe; leaning against the wall a couple dozen feet away, loose red curls framing her face just right and cascading smoothly down her shoulders, a gentle smile spread on her lips, those infinite pools of the warmest, clearest blue shining brightly as they locked with her own eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was…so beautiful.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And Beca could see right then –she could feel it- how proud of her Chloe was. For a short moment, it made her feel on top of the world and as if she could take everything life threw at her on. Chloe was there, supporting her. Proud of her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Chloe was there, with her; as she’d always been.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And yet she wasn’t, not in every way she wanted her to be, her brain reminded her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Chloe had kissed Chicago.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Chloe had chosen Chicago to kiss.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The top of the world suddenly felt cold and lonely; lacking in comparison to the what ifs. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So Beca averted her eyes, returning her attention to the reporter and Theo and the interview; to what was right in front of her. Because all of a sudden Chloe…Chloe just felt too far away now.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>**end of flashback**</em>
</p>
<p>Beca shuffled a little as the memory faded away, scooting a bit closer towards her end of the mattress and further away from Chloe, the hand that rested under her pillow gripping at the fabric tightly. She was tired of having those images in her mind.</p>
<p>There was no point dueling over something that was lost.</p>
<p>She wanted them gone.</p>
<p>Another minute mockingly ticked by on the alarm clock, and Beca wished she could just go to sleep. She wished she could just close her eyes and drift off, her mind shutting up at long last.</p>
<p>As if laughing at her for even entertaining the thought of sleep as a possibility, her brain chose that exact moment to conjure yet another set of images.</p>
<p>
  <em>**flashback – 3 days ago**</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beca entered the vast, high ceiling room –chamber? ballroom? what even was the right word?- that Theo had informed her housed the bar of the venue in search of the Bellas, pace swift and shoulders stiff.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She had just spent half an hour of her life talking to that complete and utter idiot of a reporter, who had kept asking her about their disastrous first performance in the USO tour, who even brought up muff-gate –like, for fuck’s sake man, that had happened four years ago!- and who somehow couldn’t properly grasp the oh so complicated concept of acapella.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And how does everyone know when to join in and what their part exactly is?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What a question, right? Because of course the answer couldn’t possibly be ‘with practice’, could it? Nah, that didn’t sound right.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That fucking moron.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Alcohol sounded like a great idea right about now.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beca reached the bar and immediately motioned over the waiter, requesting a double scotch on the rocks; she usually preferred beer, but tonight had been…quite the night. She needed something stronger than that.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A couple minutes later, tumbler in hand and back resting against the bar, she took the first sip of her drink as her eyes scanned the large space. There were so many people scattered around, in pairs or groups, talking and laughing and some even dancing –more like swaying- to the pleasantly not too loud beat of vaguely familiar pop music, that for a few seconds she got worried she’d have trouble finding the Bellas.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Of course, she should have known better; her Bellas had never been the kind of group that one could miss in a crowd.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They were all gathered around a bar table; well, all besides –she deduced after a quick head count- Lily. Now that the devil had finally left her body, though, Beca wasn’t worried they’d all end up in prison or burying a dead body if Lily wasn’t found quickly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her attention was drawn to Amy first as she shot back a shot before turning to the side to say something to Emily –the confused and slightly disturbed look on the girl’s face enough proof that Beca definitely did not want to know what Amy had just shared with her. Her gaze glided over Ashley and Jessica, who were discussing calmly amongst themselves, before landing briefly on Cynthia Rose and her expression of complete bewilderment at whatever Flo, as animated as ever, was telling her about.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beca couldn’t help but chuckle as she shook her head softly; no matter the chaos, that you never knew in what way it would hit you, she had come to love this group of women so much over the years. At some point in college they had become her family, and not seeing them for the last three hadn’t changed that.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well. She had been seeing a couple of them pretty regularly –which was to say, every single day- in that time. Amy, of course, and also…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her eyes found Chloe before her mind had even finished that thought. She and Aubrey were standing a bit to the side from the rest, drinks in hand, Aubrey reiterating some kind of highly aggravating for her story –as evident by her wild gestures and how Chloe was trying to hold back her smile. Beca paid her little mind, though.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her gaze locked on Chloe instead.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She watched her with her heart suddenly beating faster, an undefined feeling bubbling inside her chest; a feeling that was both the most comfortable silence and the loudest explosion of fireworks; it was paying bills and getting groceries and searching for the pair to a spare shock; it was song and it was music and it was dance; it was loud parties and quiet reading on a worn pull-out bed; it was all that rolled into one.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She watched her just standing there, simply existing in a space with so many other people in it, and suddenly it was like every single other person had faded away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Leaving only Chloe behind, and all the light she was.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was always enough to illuminate Beca’s entire world. It had always been, if she were honest –and she had stopped lying to herself about it a long time ago.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If only the same applied to Chloe. It was a bitter thought, and quite unfair of her to ask. But she hadn’t been asking it anyway.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She had never asked for Chloe to love her with the myriad of colors Beca loved her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She had just wanted Chloe to love her as more than a friend; even a single color would do.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But tonight had proven no such color existed; not a single one.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beca didn’t know how much time she’d been staring for, or for how much of it Chloe had been staring back; but she was, Beca suddenly realized.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Chloe was looking at her from across the room with such intensity that it was as if she was standing right in front of her, eyes boring into hers even as her lips were etched into a small smile. It was soothing, however, the feeling of those eyes pinning her to the spot; it felt as if they were anchoring her to reality, their reality.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A world where the two of them still shared one, no matter what that was –and what it could have been.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A wild motion in her peripheral vision had Beca reluctantly looking away; Theo was motioning to her from the entrance to the room, beckoning her over insistently.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Sighing, Beca placed her glass on the bar and was ready to walk over to him, when her eyes unwittingly found Chloe again. Without thinking about it she pointed to her still almost full drink, and Chloe nodded before urging Beca to go with a small hand motion, smile still in place.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And the effortlessness of the interaction had a piercing pain shoot through Beca’s heart as she walked away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>**end of flashback**</em>
</p>
<p>Beca squeezed her eyes shut. She could still feel it if she tried just a little, that shot of pain. She shouldn’t want to feel it.</p>
<p>And yet, it made everything feel more real; in a twisted way, it made Chloe feel real still. As if their lives were still so tightly intertwined, everything between them still ongoing; so of course Beca was feeling pain.</p>
<p>If the pain stopped, then it belonged to the past; them along with it.</p>
<p>They belonged to the past anyway, the thought forcefully invaded her mind and Beca physically recoiled; curling in on herself a little bit, eyes shut so tightly now that spots were starting to appear behind her closed eyelids.</p>
<p>That was a lie. They didn’t.</p>
<p>They were Beca and Chloe.</p>
<p>They would never belong to the past.</p>
<p>But the possibility for more did, her brain insisted; Beca inhaled shakily as quietly as she could.</p>
<p>But not their friendship. Never.</p>
<p>Beca gripped the pillow tighter as the backs of her eyes started stinging.</p>
<p>How true was even that anymore? Even if their friendship survived the beating her heart had taken, even if she could find it in herself to let it go and just pretend nothing had changed, there was that other thing. The thing that would have her catching a flight in a few hours.</p>
<p>The thing that, if added to everything that had already irrevocably cracked between them, could end up shattering them completely.</p>
<p>
  <em>**flashback – 3 days ago**</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beca reentered the vast space and headed towards the bar immediately, pace quick and eyes not really focusing on her surroundings. She hadn’t been gone for long, it couldn’t have been more than fifteen minutes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How much time did it take for your life to change forever? A single moment; Beca had known this answer before tonight.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Now though she actually, really understood it; felt it deep in her bones. So she shouldn’t be surprised that fifteen minutes was all it had taken; but it was quite overwhelming all the same.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Especially because she couldn’t help but feel that her life before was something separate from her life now, in this moment; an invisible line resolutely drawn between her past and the future.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was the knowledge that some things would be left in that past life that had left a bitter taste in her mouth and had a lump attempting to form in her throat, despite how objectively good what she’d just been told was.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But then again… didn’t some of those things already belong to the past already?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beca hadn’t realized she’d approached the bar, standing right in front of it now, or that Chloe was literally right there, leaning against it with her drink in hand and eyeing her with slight concern. She only did when Chloe extended her other hand, offering Beca her own glass back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Accepting it gratefully Beca took a long sip as she mimicked Chloe’s position, both of them now standing half way turned towards each other. Beca rested some of her weight on the bar and let her eyes scan the room absentmindedly; she knew Chloe was watching her, she could feel her gaze gliding over her features as she studied her face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She would share the news, of course she would; it was not something that could remain hidden anyway, and she wouldn’t want it to. It was a good thing; great even.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She just wanted to bask in the familiarity of their quiet proximity for a few more seconds. She was missing it already.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I kept your drink safe for you”, Chloe supplied after a minute or so had passed; voice as gentle as the first time she’d tried to coax Beca out of her shell years ago, and every time she’d done the same in all the years they’d shared.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>All the years…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thanks, Chlo. I knew you would”, Beca replied quietly, still not looking at her; she received a soft hum in response, and silence fell between them again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just for a few seconds this time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Bec”.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How could she keep avoiding her gaze? How could she keep avoiding the inevitability of sharing her news, and facing the consequences they carried with them? How could she when Chloe’s voice felt like a caress reserved just for Beca?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She saw the question in those piercing blues; Chloe didn’t even have to voice it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“DJ Khaled and his people want me signing a contract as soon as possible”, she found herself blurting out, the words rushed and quiet.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah…they made me an offer with Khaled’s record label, to make my own music and produce other people’s stuff as well if I want to. From the few details they shared, it’s a pretty good deal”.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Absolute stillness followed her words; just for the shortest moment, though. And then she suddenly found herself enveloped tightly in Chloe’s arms, desperately trying not to spill her drink all over Chloe’s back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Dude!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh my God, Beca!” Chloe squealed right by her ear, and she couldn’t help but smile at the child-like excitement and pure joy she heard in her tone; everything about it so Chloe that she found herself hugging her back properly now, familiar comfort washing over her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m so happy for you, Bec”, Chloe uttered softly right by her ear, her warm breath ghosting over Beca’s skin and forcing her to inhale deeply in an attempt to calm her now rapidly beating heart. Maybe it was a mistake, she realized, as the unmistakable scent of Chloe’s favorite perfume invaded her senses, its effect relaxing and exhilarating at the same time. “I always knew you would do it; and look at you now. I’m so, so proud of you”.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was unfair, really, how much Chloe saying those words –Chloe being honestly proud of her- affected her. Beca had to blink quickly a few times to get rid of the moisture that had appeared in her eyes, throat suddenly tight with an emotion that was equal parts warmth and heart-break.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thanks, Chlo”, she choked out, voice shakier that she would have liked. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was that that had her disentangling herself gently from Chloe’s arms, taking a sip of her drink and shooting her a small smile over the rim of her glass. It didn’t reach her eyes; she knew it and Chloe did too, judging by the way her eyebrows furrowed and her own smile slightly fell.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What’s wrong?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beca took another sip, glass half empty by now, and allowed her eyes to travel quickly over the crowded room before meeting Chloe’s gaze again. Her words got momentarily stuck in her throat, before she managed to push them out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“They want me moving to LA as soon as possible”.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She’d watched Chloe react to unexpected news many times throughout the years. She always was exceedingly vibrant in those moments, no matter if the news were good or bad, her fiery energy charging the atmosphere in whatever room they might be in.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It had always made Beca’s heart flatter, from the very start; in all of those moments Chloe had been…radiant.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This time it wasn’t like that, though. This time she saw how the light in Chloe’s eyes dimmed, how she suddenly seemed smaller somehow; her fire nowhere to be found.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It had Beca’s heart clenching inside her chest, as if something cold and unyielding was slowly squeezing it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“How soon?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“They wanted me to fly out tomorrow morning”.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beca could almost actually see Chloe’s conflicting thoughts clashing inside her head; to be supportive or to object? What does a good friend do? She knew that this was something that always was on Chloe’s mind, trying to be the best friend she could. That’s why it devastated her whenever she’d think she wasn’t being one.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beca knew how Chloe’s mind worked; a small smile lifted the corners of her lips for a second, the vice around her heart lessening a little bit, before she decided to put Chloe out of her misery.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I said no, Chlo; that it wasn’t happening”.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Chloe seemed honestly relieved for a short moment, before a strong hint of panic colored her features.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh my God, you can’t do that! You can’t pass on this opportunity, it’s your <strong>dream</strong>! And yes, okay, it’s not ideal, but you- you can’t just say <strong>no</strong>! No, let’s just think about this for a second, I’m <strong>sure</strong>-”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Chlo!” Beca cut her off, quite amused if she were honest; there was something in Chloe being so adamant about Beca following her dreams that had the vice around her heart melting the rest of the way off. “I didn’t say no to the offer”.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then what were you- Oh…”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah. I just said no to the flying out tomorrow thing; I can’t just do that! I asked them for some…some time”.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The weight of her words hit her three seconds after she’d voiced them, and she almost emptied her glass, wincing a little at the burn and the strong aftertaste. She wasn’t leaving tomorrow, but she was leaving soon; really soon. Moving to LA.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She couldn’t meet Chloe’s eyes; she didn’t know what she’d find there, but she felt exhausted all of a sudden, something big applying pressure on her chest. So she couldn’t take looking at her; because she knew Chloe had reached the same realization, she could feel her gaze scorching the skin of her face like burning iron.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“How long?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Quiet. So quiet Beca barely managed to hear the question.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But she did, and it echoed inside her head as loud as a cannon blast.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“They gave me three days to go back to New York and pack. I’m leaving in a few hours, they booked me a flight, and on the fourth morning from now I’m flying to LA”.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She’d said it all in almost one breath, before emptying her glass and motioning to the waiter for another.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The silence that fell between them wasn’t comfortable but it wasn’t tense either. It just…was. It made Beca think that probably this was what her life would be like in a few hours from now; her life without Chloe.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>An empty silence.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She took a long sip of her new drink the moment it was placed in front of her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You said they booked you a flight? How did they manage that in such short notice?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t know, Chlo…How do important people do these kinds of things?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay then!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Chloe’s tone, too chipper and happy for the mood of their interaction, had Beca unwittingly turning her head to look at her; only to be met by a beaming smile and sparkling eyes, the sight stealing her breath for a couple seconds and giving Chloe the opportunity to continue.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m gonna come with you to New York and help you pack! If you only have three days you’re gonna need all the help you can get!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What- Chloe, you can’t just- How are you-”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t worry about anything, I’ll let the rest know; they’re big girls, they don’t need us to escort them back home and besides, Aubrey is here and she’s gonna take care of them and make sure they fly home safely!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, but this isn’t about- And how-”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m gonna ask Theo to book me a ticket on your flight! If they can do one they can do two, should be no issue!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Chloe, you can’t be serious; you can’t just-”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Of course I’m serious! Wouldn’t let you pack up the utter mess that is your stuff alone now, would I?” Chloe asked softly, her gentle half-smile making Beca’s heart skip a beat and rendering her incapable of speaking for the shortest moment.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The lack of disagreement was all that Chloe needed apparently.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay!” She exclaimed cheerfully, placing her glass on the bar hurriedly. “I’ll go find Theo, you stay put!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Chlo”, Beca tried weakly; she knew no matter what she’d say it would be to no avail.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hush, this is happening! I’ll be right back!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was already several feet away, rushing across the room and towards the exit, before Beca could say anything more. There was a sweet, dull ache inside Beca’s chest as she watched her walk away determinedly, fiery curls and the skirt of her dress fluttering behind her in the rhythm of her swift steps.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was already missing her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>**end of flashback**</em>
</p>
<p>Chloe had come with her to New York to help her pack.</p>
<p>But Beca was still leaving, moving to LA, and the distance…how in the world were they gonna survive it, on top of everything else that already stood between them? Was there even a chance?</p>
<p>And if there was…should Beca take it, keep Chloe in her life? Or just let her go?</p>
<p>Would maybe that be better for the both of them?</p>
<p>Because the last three days had been…not them, was al Beca could come up with. Simply not them. They had worked well together, like they always had; finding all of Beca’s scattered possessions, categorizing them –“It’s a necessary part of packing, Beca, you can’t just throw everything in a box with no system in place to know where everything is when you unpack!”-, deciding which weren’t needed anymore to throw out, and packing the rest into boxes and suitcases. It had been a lot of work, but also quite fun.</p>
<p>And yet, there had been something in the air separating them, a thin veil of all the things left unsaid making the small physical distance between them feel like actual miles at times.</p>
<p>Beca had been already been missing Chloe for all of the last three days; but in those moments that the ever present familiarity they shared felt dimmer and dwindled, small pangs had pierced through her heart.</p>
<p>She hadn’t even needed to actually move to LA to start losing her.</p>
<p>Eyes blurry from tears she didn’t want to admit were there, Beca allowed her gaze to move from the alarm clock and glide over every surface of the apartment she could see from where she was laying.</p>
<p>There stood the rack of clothes that separated their bed from Amy’s, a significant part of them now missing as they had been stuffed in a large suitcase; Chloe had needed to sit on it for them to close it and she had cheered Beca on as she attempted to zip it up as if she was competing for an Olympic medal, before dissolving into giggles for more than a whole minute. Despite rolling her eyes at first, Beca was laughing along before long, tears streaming down her face by the time they had both calmed down.</p>
<p>Her eyes landed on the small bathtub, concealed by the flimsy shower curtain that didn’t hide anything at all if the lighting hit it just right. Beca could more than vividly remember the first time it had happened, and how she had stood frozen and watched the water cascade down Chloe’s silhouette, the curves of her body making her heart beat wildly in her chest as the blood rushed in her ears. She had bolted from the apartment soon after, shouting something about getting the mail; Chloe’s knowing look when she’d returned had tinged her cheeks red for embarrassingly many minutes</p>
<p>Beca could only partially see their table, surrounded by its neatly placed chairs –Chloe always arranged them properly before bed. It was the table they’d had dinner at only a few hours prior in comfortable silence; it could have been any other night of the hundreds they’d had sharing dinner on that same spot, just simply enjoying and taking comfort in each other’s presence. It had always been mostly quiet, warm and soothing. If she’d had a bad day, there was no way she wouldn’t be feeling better after dinner with Chloe.</p>
<p>A quiet sob escaped Beca’s lips, the small sound entirely too loud in the silent room, and her hand immediately flew up to cover her mouth. She hadn’t even realized she’d been actually crying until now, suddenly fully aware of the warm tears that were rolling down her face. Trying to inhale calmly through her nose, Beca prayed the sound hadn’t been enough to-</p>
<p>“Beca?”</p>
<p>Beca squeezed her eyes shut, lips slightly trembling. She couldn’t do this right now; she didn’t want Chloe seeing her like this, partly because she didn’t want to upset her for something as stupid as her getting all nostalgic and emotional, and partly because she knew that that was a lie; it ran so much deeper than that, and how was she supposed to explain this to Chloe?</p>
<p>She couldn’t. She really couldn’t.</p>
<p>“Bec, are you okay?”</p>
<p>But she couldn’t ignore her either. Not when her soft voice felt to Beca like the gentlest caress, not when she could clearly hear the concern in her tone.</p>
<p>Then again, she could never ignore Chloe anyway.</p>
<p>Beca took a few measured breaths until no new tears were coming, before rolling to her back, eyes focused on the ceiling. She could feel Chloe’s gaze on her, studying her; she could almost see the small frown that would have surely appeared on her face at the sight of the visible tear tracks on her cheeks.</p>
<p>Neither talked for a short while, the only sounds in the dark apartment that of their quiet breathing and the ticking of the alarm clock, as it kept counting down. It was comfortable, the silence, aided by the safety the darkness provided. Beca knew, however, that it wouldn’t last; Chloe was just –like always- giving her the time she needed to collect herself and open up.</p>
<p>What was the point? Their time was running out anyway.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, Chlo; it’s nothing”.</p>
<p>“It’s me, Bec. What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Beca sniffled as her eyes kept following invisible lines on the ceiling above. She couldn’t tell the truth, but she couldn’t lie either.</p>
<p>“I’m just- I’m just gonna miss home”.</p>
<p>She was glad Chloe didn’t react with reassurances or questions, instead allowing the silence to engulf them once more; then again, Chloe had learned how to be around her long ago.</p>
<p>“I used to not have one. Not after the divorce, not really; and even before that. That house didn’t feel like it once the fighting started happening everyday”.</p>
<p>She had no idea why she was telling Chloe all this; the only thing she knew was that suddenly she needed to talk, and keep talking.</p>
<p>“And then I went to Barden, and somehow- somehow I ended up with a family, and an actual home. That day at the activities fair…it really changed my life”.</p>
<p>Beca got a bit startled when she felt a soft hand caressing her cheek gently; she hadn’t realized Chloe had gotten so close, didn’t know when it had happened. But as warm fingers started slowly wiping away her tears and the tender way they made sure to get rid of even the last hint of moisture on her face, had warmth spreading all over her body, and she relaxed back into the bed.</p>
<p>“I had the Bellas for those four years; they were my home. All of you were. And then suddenly it was over, we went to worlds and we graduated and that home was gone. Just like that. But it was okay because I knew I wasn’t coming here alone; you would be here with me”.</p>
<p>Beca knew how big what she’d just said was; it was her only way of saying all of the things she couldn’t really say. But it was dark, and she could feel Chloe carefully tucking a few loose strands behind her ear, and she couldn’t find it in herself to care or worry that she was saying too much.</p>
<p>“Bec”, Chloe all but whispered, voice more gentle than Beca had ever heard it before, “it’s your dream”.</p>
<p>“I know, but- Somehow this tiny apartment became my new home; it’s been my home for the last three years. And now…I have to leave again”.</p>
<p>A single tear rolled down her cheek, but Chloe caught it before it could get far. It made Beca finally turn her head on her pillow to look at her.</p>
<p>She was met with those oh so familiar sparkling blues, and a small shiver ran down her spine at the intensity and care she saw in them. The room was submerged in darkness but suddenly it felt as if everything was bathed in the brightest sunlight.</p>
<p>“What if you didn’t have to?” Chloe asked softly, eyes boring into hers.</p>
<p>Beca had heard the question; it didn’t mean she understood it, though.</p>
<p>“What? Chloe, you know-”</p>
<p>“Remember when I was trying to decide which vet school to apply to?”</p>
<p>“Yeah”, Beca said, even more confused now by the sudden change in topic. “But what does that have to do-”</p>
<p>“Remember what you told me when I kept going on for days about how I couldn’t decide?”</p>
<p>“I told you to just apply to both”.</p>
<p>Chloe nodded, her shoulder rising and falling in a small half-shrug.</p>
<p>“So that’s what I did”.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I applied to both; and I got into both. I have another week to decide which one I’m gonna end up going to”.</p>
<p>“But one of them was…”</p>
<p>Beca couldn’t believe what she was hearing; she couldn’t believe this moment was happening at all. Against her better judgment, hope flickered in her heart and she couldn’t find it in herself to put it out; not just yet.</p>
<p>“In LA”, Chloe finished her sentence for her, a small smile spreading on her lips. “One of them is in LA”.</p>
<p>Beca felt it then; something had shifted in the air around them. She could feel it deep in her bones, and she could see it in Chloe’s eyes –something daring and vulnerable shining in their depths.</p>
<p>She didn’t know what to do with this information, because she didn’t know what it meant. Not after everything she’d said to Chloe earlier, not with how Chloe was looking at her now. And she was terrified of drawing the wrong conclusion, of taking a wrong step and inadvertently extinguishing that small hope that was still flickering inside her. She knew she needed to say something, however.</p>
<p>“What about Chicago?” she ended up asking, the unexpectedness of the question making her suck in a breath. She hadn’t meant to ask that.</p>
<p>Chloe didn’t seem fazed by it, though; she didn’t even seem surprised.</p>
<p>“Nothing is happening between us”.</p>
<p>“But-”</p>
<p>“We talked and agreed that it was better if what happened in France stayed there. We haven’t even talked since. Nothing is happening between us”, she repeated, gently but resolutely; a hidden intensity in her words that had Beca’s heart picking up its pace.</p>
<p>She didn’t know what to say; her thoughts had become so entangled inside her head that she wasn’t sure she could string two words together even if she tried. She couldn’t even move, pinned to the spot by the significance of everything Chloe had said, by the way she was looking at her, by her own racing heart.</p>
<p>What if she was reading this wrong? What if she made the wrong move and she lost what had remained of their friendship? She couldn’t lose Chloe.</p>
<p>She was…</p>
<p>But suddenly there were soft lips pressing against hers, gentle but firm as they started moving against her own, and Beca forgot all her doubts and questions and fears. Chloe was kissing her, hand now cupping her cheek tenderly, and Beca stopped arguing with herself, simply giving in to this moment that felt suspended in time.</p>
<p>Without breaking the kiss she rolled to her side, her body facing Chloe fully now, shaky fingers tracing Chloe’s cheek before tangling into her fiery curls; and she kissed Chloe back with everything she had. Everything her heart had to offer, every memory she had of them, every second Chloe had made her life better, she poured it all into this kiss, hoping that it was enough.</p>
<p>She didn’t know how long it had been before the kiss ended; time had finally lost its meaning that night. What she knew was that she didn’t want to let Chloe go; after all this time, after believing she’d end up losing her from her life, knowing she still had to leave in the morning, she couldn’t let her go.</p>
<p>So when the kiss ended she scouted closer to her, burrowing herself in Chloe’s already waiting embrace. The silence that followed covered them both like the softest, warmest blanket on a chilly autumn morning.</p>
<p>Content.</p>
<p>Safe.</p>
<p>Beca inhaled deeply at the comforting feeling that washed over her, Chloe’s favorite perfume still lingering from the day and invading her senses. Lavender.</p>
<p>There was no need for words; Chloe was there, with her, and in more ways than Beca had ever dared to believe she would be. In all the ways there were.</p>
<p>And Beca wasn’t afraid anymore.</p>
<p>She was finally home.</p>
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